DETROIT, MICHIGAN – The way you bobble her head like she’s a real person is such a turn on. Your straight, white, male body brushed up against her metal hardware, controlling her like a puppet is soooo sexy.
SAINT JOSEPH, MISSOURI – Hey baby, six hundred ninety seven ignored me but I can feel it this time.
MILWAUKEE, WISCONSIN – I imagined our life together in great detail, and let me tell ya, it’s pretty great. If you want in on my fantasies hmu, babe. I think you were trying to look at the crazy homeless man behind me wielding a scepter, but regardless we’re destined to be together.
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA – must have seen the invite too late or something. Sent it four weeks before the show but it’s cool.
YORK, NEW YORK – need a guy with a black goatee, and a hat for every occasion to tell slightly uncomfortable sex stories while at the bar.
ASTORIA, OREGON – I just sat down and you were gone… I forced my neck into hundreds of positions it shouldn’t go, but you were nowhere to be found. Please come back to me. ABC is playing a movie about forbidden teenage love.
FREETOWN, SIERRA LEONE – you were riding in that mosquito when I first saw you, then you transferred to that guy’s cardiovascular system… that’s when I last saw you. my name is bill gates, hmu via my charity. thanks, babe.
HELL, AFTERLIFE – hey bb. just strolling through the second circle and you gave me a look that was like “AHH! THE AGONY!”, but I knew what you meant baby. you want me? rn i’m hanging in the fifth circle with my pal virgil hmu.
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